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I love the story due to how much the fraternities other than OK are developed (Accept ROR, but I never liked arrogant idiots in the first place). The OCs are well done with no considerable flaws in how they are presented to date and you kept OK in-character and further developed their personalities as well.
I especially love the twins. I can relate to Terri more so as I am a older brother myself with a more serious personality and I have a younger brother with a more goofier personality that drives me nuts at times (I was briefly conjoined to him as well via shirt as a punishment as are personalities and interests contrasted so much that we were always butting heads) although we are not twins.
That brings me to another subject that I found you did well, romance. A good chunk of authors rush romance at a abnormal and unrealistic pace and this only serves to infuriate me as a viewer and a fellow writer in some senses. You portray different couples developing rather well in different ways which is something I do not usually see. Naomi and Terri's is the one that strikes me the most, my own experiences are similar in the vein that love simply can hurt alot and has many speed bumps to transverse over...if actively reading this couple's pain make me feel uncomfortable due to how realistic it is then you DEFINITELY made a compelling piece.
As for this recent Chapter I like how you developed the twins and Laura in the flashbacks. Its hard not to feel bad for Laura, a good amount of people would shy away from aggressive photographers too.
I am curious on how you made subtle clues that the Twins might of been separated to survive their near death experience and how you will do the University's reactions to it will be. Brock counted bodies, not heads and the Perry Twins controlled one body just separate sides.
Seeing what they will do in the Scare Games after this will be interesting. I also am curious on how exactly they have been separated, its likely the surgeons would have to reconstruct the blood vessels and place one of their two arms on that new side of their bodies...oh sorry that's my interest in biology and anatomy taking over (I love learning about that type of sciences).
Overall I like this fan fic and I hope to see more
This chapter DID make me cry, (don't start laughing; it was just a few drops.) but I could care less. I wanna save EVERY tear I have for the big moment. Until then, I wish Squishy some good luck and hope HIS story has a happy, tear free ending.
But in any and every way, I can't wait for chapter 7!
Hmmm... Looks like Terry got his angry wish...
Now I'm really interested in how Terry and Naomi's REAL 1-on-1 talk gonna go down.
If you are gonna write Terry and Naomi's story, PLEASE make me CRY like a teenager crying over a breakup and then feel very Heartfelt at the end.
I'm really in love with the story of the two.
I have finally finished the chapter, and I liked it very much, especially the scenes regarding the various characters reactions to the Perry twins predicament in this particular chapter. Love the character moments, and how they react with varying degrees of concern and hurt was very well done.
I like the mentions of Naomi's feeling of dread in the first part and her eventual breakdown when she saw the twins seriously injured. That whole scene was definitely tugging at heartstrings, I can honestly tell you. I actually felt very saddened for what she has been put through. Nice mention of Hardscrabble looking at Laura Sharp's student profile...guess she was a little curious about why Laura has such a panic attack problem. Guess we will know more in future.
Thank you very much for adding the scene featuring Roz and the CDA. I wonder is it appropriate to introduce Roz so early in the Fan Fiction? I loved to write about how they operate, and looks like I had made them the mysterious and dangerous organisation that kept tabs on everything in Monstropolis. My personal favourite scene is the moment Roz deploys the assigned team to Monsters University. And there's a little hint which is a continuity nod to her undercover status in Monsters Inc, hope you noticed.
Even though it's a sad scene, I like how you described Mrs Carlton's emotions when the Perry twins were sent to the hospital ER department. The whole scene just makes me feel all bad and teary, truth be told, and I loved how you have written that scene and conveyed the emotions everyone is feeling at the moment. It is nice of the EZ girls to offer support for the OK gang at this scene, and I loved how the subtle hints that the potential couples were sitting together. It is also very nice of Celia Mae to appear too, despite being from FearTech.
Ah the first appearance of Lane Picca. Nice flashback to her trying to take Laura's photo, and thank goodness for Mrs Carlton and the OK gang to help Laura before she got another panic attack. Lane Picca is essentially a one-monster paparazzi. Thanks again for using the little scene I added for her. Love her lines, and that fits so well with the personality I had thought for her. And yeah, that is nearly a threat, and cements her eagerness to get the perfect shot. Love the other frats and sororities leaders reactions to her pestering Laura for a single picture. I especially love Brock and Claire's comments to her, and yeah, Claire's words of "you can totally die" is coming back to haunt her.
Loved the conversation between Laura and Squishy, and I love how Laura actually complimented Squishy and the OK fraternity, as well as stating what she admired in them and how much she holds them as shining examples to aspire to. And Squishy's reaction is pretty funny too, and yes Mike, Squishy needs some lessons in the romance department. I would love more scenes with Laura and Squishy, they seem to complement each other very well as a potential couple. Art with Dot is also very nice too. I especially like how Dot calms Art down and give him words of encouragement, and that also applies to Laura too. And the bonds of friendship can be also seen clearly here too.
Nice to see Mrs Carlton coming to pick up Mike and Sulley, and that was such a heartwarming moment. Wow, I admit I loved the dressing down Terry gave to Johnny, and that was an epic moment which I cherished in this chapter. That was so in character with Terry, and I liked how he stood up for the duo of Monsters who made OK into who they are today, and how much they all admired Mike and Sulley for who they are. Love the mention of Mike's words from the film at the field trip to MI scene: There's no one type of Scarer, and each Scarer uses his or her abilities to their advantage. And the icing on the cake was Dean Hardscrabble welcoming Mike and Sulley back to the University grounds despite being expelled. I also adore the moment Mrs Squibbles hugging the Dean. XD The Group Hug was so "aww-worthy", just like the one at the end of the film. My Heart could melt from so much love and warmth radiating from those scenes.
Nice moment for Dirk and Violet, and hehe, looks like Dirk is having some desirable thoughts LOLZ. Love their conversation, and it was interesting for them to hold a conversation together, seeing how much have changed. And I also love the reference to Naomi's library scene with the elder Perry twin, as well as the mention of how bad they felt on taking sides with ROR during the humiliation prank.
And yes, glad to see each fraternity and sorority giving a little (or large) something for the Perry twins. Guess they do genuinely care for the pair of twins very much. Love the wide variety of gifts from many monsters, and the funny scene of Art and Sulley digging into a jar of cookies from PNK (is it Naomi's?) And yeah, Carla's stern talking towards Johnny was also a good moment, and we did see Johnny actually caring (a little), but I am sure it is the rest of the ROR fraternity that will make the move first.
The final scene sent chills down my spine. The Perry twins have been...separated. (or I think so) Is this even fixable? I fear for their well being and mental emotions, as well as the impact it would have on their former lives. I hope to hear more in the next chapter.
As usual, great work on the writing, excellent characterisations, and love the exotic words and phrases used. I am still brainstorming for extra scenes, and I hope to share them with you. Can't wait for the next chapter!