It appears you don't have PDF support in this web browser. Download PDF
Special thanks goes to my friend and fellow MU fan who helped me out with some of the dialogue, especially during the NEW Toxicity challenge.
Also, for that one line in French that Laura said near the end of the story: Continuez!=Keep going!
And that song Katy and her Glee Club were singing to is 'King of Anything' by Sara Bareilles(Professor Heimlich's name was inspired by the caterpillar from the classic Pixar movie 'A Bug's Life' ). The particular lyrics that Katy rapped are from this version I discovered on YouTube => www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4xWob…
A little deeper into the sororities and fraternities that fans favored in the MU movie, especially EEK and JOX, more with the Greek council Brock and Claire, some Dean Hardscrabble, more interaction between intended lover interests, romance drama between two characters in particular...and more adorable moments with Randy and Mrs. Squibbles/Carlton.
EDIT: Special thanks to for making edits to this chapter and help make it flow much better than before; he is especially credited for the scene where Laura enters to Greek building, the introduction to the frats and sororities, and especially in regards to the slow, yellow slug that has become victim to an explosive poison urchin; and especially the scene involving Hardscrabble during her observation of the first event.
Please read and comment! And stay tuned for chapter 5!
You truly are ready to learn the ropes of mastering the trade of writing. As a matter of fact i think you'd excel in technical writing or novel writing. I see true potential in your work and am deeply impressed on how far you've come and how much you've improved. Your an outstanding writer of fanfiction. I hope to see more of it in Mu, the cartune universe, and one day, your very own idea!
As for the story, One of the main detales that intrigued me is how you put a well thought out perspective to each and every character. Although those details do tend to be more and more lengthy. I loved how each thought that Laura had branched off into another and memory. You spared no expense in explaining the thoughts, actions and the reasoning behind them!
I don't understand why Randal isn't becoming what he will be in MI. However I am intrigued on how you put a new take on him; he's regretful of his actions for what he's done.
All in all it was a long, yet good chapter.
And Colette has a crush on George! So cuuuuute!
I sincerely apologise for the late reply, as my university assignments have begun to pile-up considerably and I had to spend more time on it. I manage to read it thoroughly a few days ago, and I must say this chapter is by far the longest, but has lots of shocking and heartwarming moments in equal measure, making me go "HOW CAN YOU?!" and "AWW" on many occasions while reading.
The first part is very well written, and it homages the original Fraternity House of the Oozma Kappa Fraternity in the film, and I do love the call back to the repaired disco ball and the "party central". However, the thought of the EZ girls and Oozma Kappa AND the duo of Mike and Sulley squeezing into Sherry Carlton's minivan is quite hilarious...the minivan isn't a clown car, that's for sure, but no offense intended. Ah the hot cocoa train from Don Carlton never gets old, I love his fatherly attitude here, just like in the movie. The whole scene had me literally crying in my heart for Randall, who is practically a woobie in this scene alone, if the previous chapters aren't tear jerking enough! I can see he just wanted to have friends and bask in their care and friendship, and after being badly treated by the ROR Fraternity, he's more or less back to his original self...which just makes me want to hug him and comfort him. The conversation with Laura is perfect, and delves deep into his thoughts and motivations, and I also like how you have given him a timid and slightly unsociable nature. The hint that Monnie has affection for Randall was also nice, and I like how she acted shyly towards Randall, which is so true of her personality and seeing the shyful duo together just makes my heart warm and fluttery.
Mike's whole sentence to describe about their tale had me in laughter. That is such a nice description for the whole tale that happened in the film, and a nice tribute to the movie which shows the rise of the OK Fraternity to the realm of legends. Hehe, Archie has a name? Archibald Sharp? Now that is totally righteous for Archie the Scare Pig. Nice way of referencing that Laura Sharp is his caretaker, and the time she spent in Fear Tech. The scene of Mike telling a story with the EZ girls and OK Gang as well as Mike and Sulley had a pleasant image in my mind, and I wished for it to become a picture. I also like the subtle couples reference when the EZ girls took their places at their respective love interests. The subtle body cues and character expressions really fit the characters that are mentioned, and they are especially in tune with the character personalities. Ah the visit to Monsters Inc, and nice reference again to Fillmore Sharp and the famous Scarers Earl and Carla. Hehe, Don is so funny, especially with the nail scratching back comment, I can so see Sherry glaring disapprovingly at her new husband for having such thoughts.
However, I have the feeling that Laura Sharp would have a rather stern talking-to with Sulley Sullivan, in order to work out the baggage and find the answers she wanted before the wound he unintentionally caused deepened even further in her soul. The scene with Laura and her father is so heartwarming and family like, and I love the fact that Laura actually own a monster pet, reminds me of my cousins pet dog. (Is the dog Blue from Blue's clues?) Ah the iconic phrase again, every time I hear Fillmore Sharp says it I was reminded of the phrase coined by him. I had this feeling that this phrase would play a vital role in the Chapters to come soon enough, and we see the beginnings of a dislike for Sullivan in Laura's heart.
How woobie-ish can you make Randall? My heart is beginning to weep for him already. The whole scene with Randall and Mrs Carlton essentially is reminiscent of a mother with a distraught child, and for a moment I thought Randall is going to fall into her arms brawling like a little monster. Ah the family moment and friendship moment mixed into one is an excellent scene...I can somehow hear Julia Sweeney using her sweet voice to portray that scene in her motherly-like tone, throwing Randall's doubts about himself as well as the awful memories behind and becoming a new monster who has a brand new family and friends to cherish and spend time with. And the cupcakes comment is also a nice touch, which brings us back to the Randall we all know and love in the beginning of Monsters University. (One of the HSS Girls? Who is it, Nadya or Sonia?) The next scene that saw the OK gang and EZ girls laughing over the Terry brothers dance with the dean was hilarious and I am sure they had the photograph. Monnie and Randall's scene was so "daww"-worthy, and I liked the little moment of funny that Randall was so caught up with her that he forgot to release her hand. XD
I like the conversation between Laura and Mike, really shows how much she admires and look up to him, and the talk about Sulley was also interesting as we see expansion on why Laura actually dislikes Sulley in a way. Heh, Celia Mae is mentioned again, and now she is Mike's girlfriend. XD Yeah, Sulley is a jerk at first, but now he has become a better monster, and I am glad he has some character development and change of heart. I don't think Laura likes Sulley, but I am sure she dislikes Johnny Worthington. The next scene of Mike and Randall making up and burying the hatchet was one that was possibly one of the best well-written pieces I have seen so far. I especially love the nod that Randall can activate his invisibility and blending powers when startled. Although I would love a bit more expansion on them both in a few more sentences, talking about what each other has done in the film and slowly coming to the forgiven part, but I like it so far that Randall has truly found cool and good friends, and the friendship hug at the end was perfect. I loved the part Squishy actually feeling affections for Laura and him stumbling over his words is so cute! The talk between them was perfectly executed for a first try, and fits Squishy's character perfectly. Mike's training at the end was the icing on the cake, complete with Sulley's comment too.
Now I know why Laura actually hates Fear Tech. I guess she really wished she was there to see the Wedding and have fun with the rest of the MU students and lecturers. Archie is such a cutie for sleeping beside his caretaker. She does not need to worry, MU will definitely change her life...soon enough, that is. Yeah, if MU Scare Games is like war, she would have endured a battlefield at Fear Tech, I shuddered at how their Scare Games would be like. I am sure Laura would have more iconic and memorable dates coming soon enough to be marked on her journal too. Truth be told, I am laughing so much at Squishy's dream about him and Laura, and the whole dream scene is like as though Laura is an angel and he has just did something to impress her enough that she's going to give him a kiss. Nice homage to the Mike and Sulley scene in the movie, and yeah no male monster can resist her beautiful eyes, and that much is true. I was laughing at Randall's expression at Squishy and the comment he had made. And the reference about the sleeping position for the Perry twins is ingenious! XD Thank the Glop of Goo Randall does not need to go through initiation, guess Sulley should not have broken that paddle, but I am sure there are a few more spare...right? Sherry Carlton is back again with her cooking, and I love the kiss she gave to Randall, that was so sweet of her to do so! Oh dear, looks like Randall has not fully forgiven Sullivan yet, guess he still has quite a bit of darkness in him.
Laura, Laura, Laura. You are back to your panicky self again, and the whole moment had me in giggles again. Thank goodness for Brynn and Donna's help, and I love how you have described the Greek Council building. If only you have a few more sentences describing about the trophies won from the various sports and the portrait pictures of the various famous scarers that came from MU. I love the various talking with the fraternities and soroities leaders, and thank god for the life saving throw from Don to save Laura from Johnny. Love all the little nuggets of information sprinkled in here, and the expressions and reactions between the various fraternities and sororities leaders. I especially love the talking with Carrie Williams and her sorority, which heightens back to the information in the MU magazine. Brock is back to his usual self again, and I love his talking and how that caused Laura to have a panic attack on the spot. Claire is still the uninterested expression, as usual. The whole panic attack scene was well written and Archie's interruption was pure gold, and I wished Pixar would pick up this scene and make it into a animated scene or even just a comic strip. Good boy for accidentally spilling coffee on Johnny, and Rosie's comment was particularly hilarious. Hehe, Johnny isn't going to give up, isn't he? And Carla's comment was quite a dent on his pride, and nice reference to your picture of Mike and Laura. XD
Oh Terry, you can't from Naomi forever, and the scene was very close to despicable me with Anges. I love how you wrote the character movements and expressions, and the bickering between them is so in character. Looks like Terry has become very bitter over the humiliating event...and I like how Terri is trying to cheer him up. I loved the individual couple moments, as they really shed light into their slowly growing relationships and I love how you incorporated Monnie's comic scene into her scene with Randall. The talk between Dot and Art is also heartwarming too, especially on their thoughts and Art's motivation to Dot which is excellent. Heimlich? A nice reference to a Bugs life, and I love how you did the scene with Katy singing and then the professor calling her to stop. Terri obviously is awed by her performance, and I can see their affections for each other is also slowly growing too. Don and Laura's scene was pretty nice, I wonder if Mike taught Don how to steal and fake the cards. Luckily they didn't set off any alarms. I like how you make Don a composite character, and here we see his personal thoughts on how Sulley betrayed their trust in rigging the Scare Simulator, and how he understands the younger generation and the mistakes they make in their youth, being a mature student. I am sure now Laura would need a heart to heart talk with Sulley more than ever now.
The scene at the gym is one that I loved quite a bit too, especially with Art's comment about getting "too big" and the various exercises the whole gang is going to do individually. The bickering between the twins and the Johnny was nice, and I like how Squishy is so caught up with Laura that he mis-stepped and fell like Mike in the film, except this is much safer than Mike's fate in that scene. Although I am loving the moment he had spent talking with Laura, despite how Johnny is putting his moves on her already. Yeah, Laura's smile can probably melt Squishy on the spot itself. Yeah, catching Archie is an understatement, considering how much he had wrecked the OK's house as mentioned in the chapter. I know Johnny is a bit of a flirt at this scene, and I can see that he's clearly admiring Laura. I love the scene with Squishy and Laura, after the former has fallen from the treadmill, I can see that he's desperately not to faint with Laura placing her hand on his head. Monnie's scene was nice too, and I am sure she has a dislike of the ROR fraternity leader too, for a moment I thought she's going to rip him to shreds verbally.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for incorporating the scene I have written for Dean Hardscrabble and Professor Derek Knight, and I am loving the expansion you have written for that scene too. I especially love this scene, as it delves into Hardscrabble's thoughts and the reference to Mike's little deal with her in the Scare Games in the movie, and I can see that she's warming up to Laura Sharp and is now silently wishing the new monster good luck for the upcoming Scare Games. I also like how you have captured Derek Knight's personality perfectly, and how he acts like a moral anchor for the Dean of Scaring. And her perspective has sure changed, as seen from her different thoughts and I can clearly see that Hardscrabble has learned her lesson from the movie events. Loving the references to Mike and the OK gang here.
I love the entire EZ slogan, especially the "EZ peasy lemon squeezy", and thanks for using my Rhyme for the first Scare Games too! That's so kind of Claire and Brock, and I love the fact he asked Laura to bring Archie the Scare Pig along for the first Scare Games. However, I think Laura is guessing that she will need to cross the bridge when Fear Tech comes looking for their mascot again in MU.
I was laughing at Sulley getting the PNK sorority members all mixed up, but I am openly brawling at Terry's Reason You Suck speech at Naomi in the library. (Terry SCARED OFF THE LIBRARIAN? HOLY GREAT GLOP OF GOO! I didn't see that coming) Terry, how can you do this to Naomi?! I normally won't call Terry heartless, but this is way over the morality line that I am saying that Terry has stepped over the morality line totally in this scene. My heart weeps for a love that probably never would be acquitted again. The scene with nadya comforting her was pretty heartwarming, although Sulley's error did ruin the moment a little. Even Mike lampshaded it by reminding Sulley constantly. "Itʼs better to never love at all than to love and lose it because that love was going to betray you in the first place." Wow, that is some deep philosophical saying from Terry, and I do like how different the two brothers are towards love in this scene, and it seems that Naomi's heart is forever broken, which I cried and shed tears for here. The whole scene is very tear jerking, and you have crafted it beautifully.
The first event of the Scare Games, thanks for using all the suggestions I have given. Oh, the sewer they were holding it in is named Sewer 14, which is actually Art's favourite Sewer. I love many scenes in here, especially Celia Mae's cameo appearance, as well as the introduction of ALL the fraternities and sororities, as well as the major ones as seen in the film. Yeah, I can see that Naomi is clearly distracted by something, and the ironic echo from Terry is what shocked Carrie Williams and her Sorority. I love how you have described each fraternity and sorority, as well as the introduction of the explosive Blowdgeon. I love Sherry Carlton's appearance in here, especially in the physical and emotional comfort she has shown towards the Oozma Kappas. Ah, the return of Randall's glasses, which is the link back to his sweet and naive self in the film, now he won't need to squint anymore. Hehe, Colette must have spotted her "one", which is George Sanderson. I laughed at the ironic echo of the "heart" instead of "you" LOLZ. Thank god Archie doesn't come in at that moment, and hilarious moment for Colette causing the games to stall because of her. XD (I didn't notice Hardscrabble watching here) I was laughing non-stop as I can hear the Sewer scene music playing again at this scene, and the throwing of explosive urchins from the rest of the students was pretty hilarious too. (Especially Theo Turbo, who was hit by a returning urchin that swelled his entire face quite...disastrously. I can imagine Marbus and Sephira tending to him later when the Games had ended, with him crying out in pain while Marbus hold him down and Sephira injecting the anti-toxin she retrieved from the medical pack.) The scene is essentially fueled with adrenaline pumping suspense, and I felt fear for Colette who was distracted and fell off the group, although I love Laura's little stunt and the later scene in which the OK gang and her fellow Sorority members tried to calm her down again due to her low self-esteem and her panic attack coming up again. I like the little reference to Fillmore Sharp that Laura saw in Don Carlton especially, as well as the little cheating thing from the JOX. Looks like Colette has overcome all odds stacked against her, and Exceeda Zeta lives to scare another day! I love how you wrote that scene with the cheering and the such, and I also like how you mentioned Colette's determination to win that drives her on through the Sewer ahead of her competitors who were in front of her. Nice use of french in this context. I like the photo taking part by Lane Picca (presumably), and the lovely scene of Colette meeting her "one" again was definitely very funny and heartwarming. I am sure she likes George Sanderson now! XD A nice finish to all the couples we have so far in the story, and it looks pretty good.
An awesome chapter indeed, and I love all the things we both wanted to have been inside is inside (although I will be noting you on a few things I noticed), and I adore the scenes you have for the couples and the major and minor characters of all the fraternities and sororities. I can't wait for the next Chapter, as well as the sneaking event of the Scare Games to come!
Thank you for your patient waiting. My University work is piling up like Theo 'Turbo' 's now, so I apologise for any lateness in my replies. I always liked your constructive comments, as well as the interesting discussions we have.
Hehe, I like this as a Call Back to the OK Fraternity's origins and how they have spent their time in Sherry's house and all the happy memories they have experienced there and I simply love the welcoming moment and the gathering in the "Party Central". Randall is a woobie, and he's just need to be hugged and calmed down, and smothered with lots of love.
Hehe, I am sure he does admires a number of Scarers, as seen from the movie he spotted an elderly Scarer (Thompson) on the Scare Floor. Yeah, just looking at "Killer Claws" can make some Monsters love her easily, she's really beautiful looking. Oh, and those sharp claws are quite nice looking too. I wondered if she did the manicures herself?
I see, because I was strongly reminded of Blue when I saw this. I presume her pet dog passed away, and then Laura finds solace in Archie when she enrolls into Fear Tech. I am definitely wanting to hear Laura's thoughts on Sulley, as well as the inevitable confrontation (perhaps on the balcony of the OK Fraternity house) that will be (presumably) harsh.
Yeah, except for Mike's mother, we don't see any other parents mentioned in the film. I am sure she is, and she acts as a surrogate mother for her little Oozmas. I am sure she would be comforting Squishy while feeling quite upset and disappointed towards the rest of the fraternities and sororities for letting that happen. True, Johnny has made quite a big blunder for allowing Randall to go. Either Nadya or Sonia, because they are the two HSS girls which Randall first meets.
That would be quite an intense conversation I must say. I sincerely hope it will fix rather than KILL their intended friendship...and the moment between Mike and Randall was pretty good too, but I felt a little bit too rushed, and we all know about the animosity Randall has towards Sulley.
True, because what FT has done so far is not quite fair towards MU, who have beaten them fair and square. Although we know about the April Fool's joke they did to MU by hacking the website and changing their decor as well as pasting photos of archie all over. Yes indeed, I was laughing at that, and it was really funny to see Randall squinting. Thank god he doesn't shed scales. I would definitely love to see more Sherry, because she's just like my grandmother, all loving and doting. Yes, the last scene did make me feel that Randall still has some darkness in him.
I am sure she will need some training to become an effective leader as a form of character development. They will never let Big Red live it down. Hehe, I am sure that Carla would be the nagging type towards Johnny, and she has a point. True, Terry is understandably bitter, but Terri is the more level headed of the duo. Surrogate Father...in a way I presume for Don towards Laura Sharp. I can't wait to see what happens between Laura and Sulley, with Squishy and Mike watching behind a partially closed door.
I can't shake the feeling that Johnny actually has "THAT" kind of desire when you mention he was eyeing Laura's body as she worked out. Understatement to mere flirting indeed. Chet was hilarious being a yes-monster in that scene. Hehe Monnie can be scary when she wanted to defend her future boyfriend, which is the same as any of the human girls too.
I am sure Abigail and Derek will have nice moments together, discussing on improvements to the Scaring Program, paperwork and student matters, as well as talking about their student days and memories of the past. Oh, and talking about the current star students of course!
That is a nice catch phrase that I have grown to love. I hope you have a sunset-shimmer (esque) character from Fear Tech...and though not in the way you expect? Interesting, I am looking forward to the surprise.
True, I noticed that in the guide, as well as the warning that one of them has laser eyes, so don't look too close at them. I see, Terry has become quite bitter after the experience, and I am sure he has broken a heart that probably cannot be repaired because his 'hopeful' crush has caused him emotional hurt. I see, the quote is very fitting, but as you mentioned, the later phrase is also quite hurtful too, if said in public. Would be funny if a random student mentioned that the Dean is also quite attractive looking too after Terry has said that. LOLZ
Emotional harm caused by hurtful words can cut deep wounds in the soul than any blade or knife can cut physically. That is really scary, and Terri can be "terrified" of his brother in this aspect. Indeed, I like Sherry more and more, and even if ROR disagree, they had to grudgingly admit that having a mother to help out at home and outside is definitely a major advantage, and OK's secret weapon. Randall's glasses are back! I loved it, and not just MONNIE!
Hehe, you can mention Hardscrabble crawling along the pipes and pillars in a dignified manner, watching with an impressively stony face on her face, and perhaps you can mention that she eventually reached a raised platform, where Derek Knight was currently residing. XD Hehe, I would like to see what Colette would come up with when EZ needs a new 'uniform change', and I am sure it would be spectacular. Now that is an interesting similarity regarding the eyes. True, not only the Dean, even readers like me (who had panic attacks before) I know how frightful it can be at times.
I am sure she would be looking for him at the JOX Fraternity House Party soon enough. Love at first sight? I am sure that applies to George and Colette, as well as the catching scene near the end.
welcome as always, so many ideas to discuss!
The First scare games was exciting!!
Glad to see Randy and Mike made up now, all that's left is for him and Laura to get closure plus have a little heart to heart talk with Sulley....
Man, that was really Harsh from Terry's part though we can't blame him kids/teen monsters are or can be cruel ya know.... but hopefully he'll come around maybe not forgiving them entirely at least give Naomi the benefit of the doubt.
I liked how Laura got to meet the other frat and sorority leaders during the meeting. Good boy Archie, cause of him barging in he managed to get boiling hot coffee spilled on 'Bullboy'.
Yeah the start of the scare games! Alrighty Randy did the one thing a lot of us were probably aching to do during the 1st event - *face falls sadly* shame he and Laura never heard "the cast the first tone phrase". I'm TRULY hoping they start to see more of Sulley's good points further on (especially Randy so he doesn't fall from grace).
But ohh! Colette falling in George's arms made me sqeee! So sweet!