I used to always be in my father's arms...February 13: the last
time I was in his arms before we kicked him out of the house.
For those of you totally unaware of what I'm talking about or what had happened in my life months ago, read the description of the Cadence painting I made [link]
Let me say that besides finding my old paint supplies from my first year of college, I also found my ink bottle and pen set which was never used during my semesters of art classes. Since I was going back to practice painting, I decided to try my hand at traditional pen work, having had a good experience during my Senior year in high school.
And a part of my brain was pushing me to make a somewhat sequel to the painting I made that described my mood whenever I think of the man I'm ashamed to call my dad
I know I've said I'm okay, and it's been months and I'm feeling better while still feeling bitter about him...tomorrow IS Father's Day
, and what can I, a girl who was hurt by a love-betraying, two-timing Tiger Woods, feel?
I'll be honest that some days when I watch my favorite cartoons, especially on Disney Junior...seeing girls with their dads make me cry, and reminding me that I don't have what they do anymore...that reality sucks big time and the perfect family is merely animated. I watch Doc McStuffins and I see her father being a loving man who is a great cook...my dad was a great cook who would one day teach me how to bake zucchini bread. That day will never come.
I watch Blythe Baxter from Littlest Pet Shop have Hallmark moments with her goofball father that makes me wish I could still have those with the man I'm ashamed to call mine. What I would give to have a dad like Roger Baxter...
I recall having watched The Croods movie. The father protecting his family no matter what, loving his wife and letting her know he'll always be there...that used to be my parents.
Face it. In the world of today where the divorce is higher than school test scores, a good marriage is rare. A real, happy
family may not be solid after all.
Recalling having read information about Cadence and how she was found in the woods as a baby pegasus and raised by Earth ponies...I still wonder whether her parents were killed or she was abandoned.
I'm still leaning toward the latter...at least she will never feel the pain I had when I was abandoned by a father for his own selfish reasons.
At least Cadence has a father-in-law
who loves her like his own little Twilight Sparkle. At least Cadence has a father who can love her and hug her and comfort her...
to be me.
Now I don't want the man I'm ashamed to call my father to even touch me. Or else I will break
his arm. Of course, he doesn't know that...but I send him bitter vibes for the every other Sunday we meet and I give him his mail and he gives me my allowance.
Thankfully...he's working this weekend...meaning I don't have to FORCE
myself to say 'Happy Father's Day' to him at church.
Because, face it, that Tiger Woods wannabe killed that holiday for me. Just like he killed the day before Valentine's Day for me as well.
If anything, the cartoons dads themselves are REAL
fathers and the TV itself raised me more and taught me better than my own father had in years. Because his last lesson before being thrown out of the house was a FAILURE
and will leave me scarred for years to come.
So yeah, I know I'm okay now, still giving my own father that bitter tone and keeping the Hell
away from him even during the small amount of time we have in church every Sunday...
...but I'll still cry tomorrow on Father's Day.
In the cartoons, every daughter and daughter-in-law will be embracing her father or father-in-law on that holiday...I'll just pretend that's me.
Princess Cadence and Night Light from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (c) Lauren Faust